Im sometimes cute lol
Ladies & gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking. If you look thru the left hand windows right now you’ll see me doing the worm on the runway
Human: “HAHAHA Animals are so dumb!”
*goes to war with its own species, uses up all of its resources, destroys its own environment, pollutes its own air and water*
Animal: *licks its own asshole*
human: *licks someone else’s asshole and calls it sex*
this is mY FAVORITE THING
If you play with my hair, scratch my back until I fall asleep, or whisper into my ear/neck… then that’s it. Im yours. The booty is now yours forever.
randomly compliment people because sometimes that will be the only kind words they will hear that day
proton, neutron, electron and crouton
do u ever come across some people who are just SO wrong that you cant even argue with them because the sheer amount of bullshit they are spewing is overwhelming
i may be ugly and untalented
As your girlfriend, I will make it my duty to turn you on at the most inappropriate of times.
So I went over to my boyfriend’s house tonight, and we decided to go night swimming. Well, we were kissing and grinding and all that in the pool and suddenly he just hugs me to him and says ‘I love you, and I’m glad you’re mine’ and when he said that I leaned in towards his ear and said ‘mine’ in the same voice as those seagulls from Finding Nemo and then he did it back and we basically sat in the pool shouting ‘MINE!’ at each other for a solid minute.